Claw&Warder: Episode 6 Gnome Schooled

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In the NYPD's Supernatural Inquisitors Squad, a Warder has no higher calling than to protect her Claw.

She uses magic, guile, physical weapons--anything required--and her razor-sharp focus never blurs. Drusilla Nogan exemplifies this grand tradition...

Except when there's a cute gnome to talk to.

With a notorious gnome gang on the loose, committing crimes all over Manhattan, Leery plays bad cop. The gnomes respond with raw, unfettered violence.

Will Dru notice before Lerry gets Gnome Schooled?

This light-hearted new series has delighted and amused thousands of readers since day one. Escape the trials of the times and immerse yourself in the supernatural otherworld of CLAW & WARDER.

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Critical Acclaim for CLAW & WARDER:

★★★★★ " Vick’s intriguing, ghoulish, fast-paced plot and solid characterization are as entertaining as I expected."

“[T]he 'other world' is swarming with their own problems to keep their side under control in New York. I’m no stranger to Erik Henry Vick’s universe as I’m a fan of The Bloodletter Saga. Vick’s intriguing, ghoulish, fast-paced plot and solid characterization are as entertaining as I expected. There are ample thrills, chills, and fun to satisfy readers' appetites. The dialogue and prose generate the entertaining moments and the degree of tension best suited to launch the next twist…yet more proof of Erik Henry Vick’s storytelling expertise in the supernatural world.”

--Lit Amri, Readers' Favorite Reviews

★★★★★ "I couldn't help but grin at a well-spun conversation..."

“I enjoyed the amalgamation of so many types of supernaturals… The banter between the characters was brilliantly executed, portraying different levels of complex relationships. Sometimes I couldn't help but grin at a well-spun conversation, let alone how the creatures' unique traits or weaknesses are evoked to further the investigation. I enjoyed the third-person narrative and how the high-pressure roles were portrayed… The characters were brilliantly portrayed.“

--K.J. Simmill, Readers' Favorite Reviews

★★★★★ "The writing style is flowing and easy to read."

“The idea that there are two simultaneous types of society working side-by-side was a fascinating premise… The characters are fully overdrawn, as is the nature in this genre, and author Erik Henry Vick has done a fantastic job of giving them real and recognizable emotions and foibles that endear them to the reader... The writing style is flowing and easy to read. If urban fantasy is your thing, this is a book you must read but even if it’s not, this is a book you should read. I did and I’m glad of it – an excellent read.”

--Grant Leishman, Readers' Favorite Reviews

Praise for Claw & Warder: Episode 6 Gnome Schooled

Must Read!

"Author Erik Henry Vick just goes from strength to strength! The latest book in the Claw & Warder series, Gnome Schooled, does not disappoint! Full of supernatural beings, murder, heinous goings on and coffee, lots and lots of coffee! The pages are filled with excellent writing, some slightly dodgy investigative practices and plenty of humour.....a must read that should be on everyone's list!"

another great read

"I love this series! Enough so that I actually bought it, rather then just read on KU.. highly recommended.."

We all knew goblins were bad, but even they get served.

"Another awesome story by Erik. Goblins, gnomes, leprechauns and angels what more could you want in one story? Erik shows it's not nice to mess with An angel in this story, especially when it comes to snack food addictions. Once again Erik shows his hand as an undeniable story writer.
When an angels dies all he'll breaks loose in New York. All around the illicit snack food crisis, similar to the current opioid crisis hitting America. And don't forget the "political corruption" that is involved too. Well worth the read, and beware the consequences of making an angel mad."

They're back!

"Dru and Leery are back trudging through the seedy underbelly of the snacks trade. Gnomes, leprechauns, goblins, and angels are all wound up in a twisted plot. Who is the killer? Who is pulling the strings? Where's my coffee??"

Keep em coming!

"Leery and Dru never fail! Recently I've started books, lost interest part way through and checked the last chapter to see if it's worth finishing. Not with this series. The story, characters, dialogue, and most especially the authors writing style suck me in and bold on from beginning to end. My only complaint is that the books do in fact end. If i could spend the next few weeks roaming around with Leery and Dry I'd be well satisfied. Because I'm a total nerd, finding the Law & Order Easter eggs is just the icing on top! Waiting impatiently for the next one!"

Another Slam Dunk

"Just as I've come to expect from this series, Episode 6 delivers the perfect balance of humor, drama, and action. Every episode of this series has left me eager to pick up the next."

Laughs,giggles and fun!

Again the author Erik Henry Vick came out with a story with laughs, charm and a wit that makes this book great to read. If you have not read any of these stories, you should. From one comic monster (?) to another, each character is comically explained. I giggled so much! Everyone around me thought I was weird. ( okay, they were not wrong) From the first book in this series to this one now I have gotten so much fun. It's so hard to wait for the next one.

Always fun

"I find myself looking forward to what is coming in the next book every time I finish one. I usually put other books between a series to keep from getting bored with the characters but find myself reading this series back to back."

Another big hit!

"Gnome Schooled, episode 6 in Erik Henry Vick's Claw & Warder collection, is another big hit! True to style, this witty, coffee filled episode will keep you laughing while hanging on the edge of your seat from start to finish. The Grand Cynosure has declared war on snacks, and it's up to Leery and Dru to wade their way through angels, gnomes, leprechauns, goblins and unknowns to solve this complicated case. The storyline remains fast-paced and well written. The characers are wonderfully developed and engaging. Can't wait for the next episode to see what trouble it brings to the exciting locus of NY."

In the magical justice system, magically based offenses are considered bad form.

In the Locus of New York, the dedicated teams of supernatural detectives who investigate these breaches of Canon and Covenants are members of an elite squad known as the Supernatural Inquisitors Squad.

These are their stories.

 

 

1

Lori Caron grunted at the weight of the gray garbage bag as she shoved it out the door and into the alley behind her small restaurant. She shared a dumpster with a donut shop and magazine stand, and it stood forty yards down the alley. She groaned at the smell of the brick alleyway, sneering at the loose trash, the empty boxes.

She’d gone half the way to the dumpster when she saw the worn ankle boots sticking out from underneath a stack of wet cardboard. She heaved a sigh and dropped her garbage bag. “Miss?” she called. “You can’t sleep here.”

The woman didn’t answer, didn’t even move. Lori sucked her teeth and glanced down the alley toward Franklin Street. It was late—too late for foot traffic—and she was more than a little wary of waking someone up who wanted to sleep under wet cardboard in an excrement-scented narrow brick-paved passage.

“Ma’am?” she yelled, walking toward the booted feet. She nudged one of the boots with her toe. The foot flopped sideways, exposing a tiny silver wing embossed in the boot’s side. Other than that there was no reaction. “Hey, listen, I know where there’s a shelter where you can get cleaned up, get a hot meal. I’ll even give you an extra-large coffee to keep you warm on your way over there.” She peeled back the top layer of cardboard. “But you really shouldn’t sleep here. This alley is narrow, and the garbage trucks squeeze down here to get this dumpster. They literally scrape the walls with their fenders. It’s not safe.” She peeled back the next layer of cardboard and gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth.

The boots contained the pale-skinned legs of an angel. A dead angel. Her once-ivory wings had faded to a dull, lifeless gray beneath her, and her golden eyes had dimmed to a decrepit almond color. Her marvelous white-blonde hair had already begun to fall out and lay in tufts around her head.

Orange dust caked her nostrils and powdered her pale cheeks and upper lip.

With a face made ugly by wrinkles of disgust, Lori turned and trotted back to her restaurant to call the police.

2

Dru came back into the living room holding a couple of brews and handed one to Leery. She smiled at her mother and father, who sat across from Leery on the other couch. “Are you sure you won’t have anything?” she asked.

“No, no,” said Agrat. “Coffee this late gives me heartburn.”

“It’s all about training your stomach, I’ve found,” said Leery.

Agrat smiled at him. “You do seem to…um…train hard.”

Leery grinned. “I can’t get enough of the stuff. Maybe it’s being a cop, or maybe it’s something to do with all that coffee in the Pack meetings, but I’ve gotten so I feel sort of naked without a coffee in my hand.”

“Yes, well…” said Hercule, looking away.

“It’s about time for the new Grand Cynosure’s press conference,” said Dru. She sat next to Leery and picked up the remote. “I wonder what all the hubbub is about this time.”

“No doubt there will be more taxes,” grumped Hercule.

“Or another census.” Agrat smiled at Dru. “It seems knowing everyone’s true identity has become so important of late.”

Dru shrugged and grinned. “I got tired of dancing around it.”

Hercule’s mouth turned down at the edges. “I shall have words with that…that…mosquito!”

“I’ll come with you,” said Leery with a feral grin. “I’ve got a thing or two to say to that snarky bastard myself.”

“Well, I can assure you, Jeffery DeRothenberg’s lineage is not in question, but you’re welcome to stand as my second.” Hercule waved his hand. “This thing, these bad feelings between our two groups, it’s enough. We should embrace one another. After all, both of our kinds lost the war.”

“I like the way you think, Hercule,” said Leery.

“Daddy, there’s no reason to make a fuss,” said Dru.

“A fuss? No reason to make a fuss? I shall not abide a…a…a leech like DeRothenberg showing you such disrespect! I shall‍—‍”

“Shh,” said Agrat, swatting his arm. “His Eminence is taking the podium. Turn it up, Dizzy.”

Dru clicked off the mute, and they all stared at the newly-sworn Grand Cynosure as he took the podium, the cast bronze pentagram of the Covenancy hanging from the black velvet curtains behind him. He climbed up on the box that lent him the height to see over the podium, tapped the microphone with a sharpened, claw-like fingernail, and cleared his throat. He took a moment to lick his palm with his long black tongue and use his viscous saliva to slick down the wispy white hair that danced on the crown of his head. The tips of his pointed ears twitched at a whine of feedback, and he tugged at his long white beard.

“I simply cannot believe the entities in our great Covenancy elected a Redcap!” snarled Hercule.

“He renounced that association, dearest,” said Agrat in a long-suffering tone. “He’s just an ordinary goblin now. And besides, the Redcaps are just an ethnic pride group.”

“Hmph. Ordinary goblin, indeed!”

The Grand Cynosure cast his all-black, beady-eyed gaze directly at the camera and licked his lips. “My fellow supernaturals, citizens of the Covenancy, in case you’ve been in a coma these past months, I am Fidonk Slypinch, and I am your Grand Cynosure,” he began. “As a collection of entities, we face a grave danger. A danger most grave,” he said. “Yes, and as with all grave dangers, this one is most banefully hazardous. It is true. The Covenancy was once a place rife with opportunities for all supernatural kind. It was like a dream. A great dream. A delightsome fancy. A figment of awesome beauty. Yes.” He gripped the edges of the podium, nodded, and rocked forward on his toes. “Yes, I said ‘was once,’ for it is no more! No, don’t take to Twitter to tell me I’m wrong, for I am not! No! I know things, citizens of the Covenancy. Arch eruditions of the cloistered and covert variety. Secret things. Yes, fellow mystical beings, I, and I alone, can see the entire tapestry. You would do well to heed my words.”

“If only he’d use those words to actually say something,” grumbled Leery, slurping his coffee.

“Shh,” murmured Dru.

“This peril we face”‍—‍Slypinch shook his head sadly‍—‍“this trouble that presents itself as a triviality, this mournful menace…” Again, his beady eyes stared into the camera. “It must not be allowed to grow unchecked! We must band together and stamp out our common foe! No, magical beings. I say, no! We must not turn a blind eye to this threat, this thing that snares so many of our youth, this susceptibility to distressful exposure! No!” The Grand Cynosure drew in a deep, hissing breath. “Yes, it is true! No. We must not allow this thing to go on unopposed. And for that reason, on this very day, I directed the Covenancy agencies of justice to create a network of togetherness and group one with another, bound by a common cause, dedicated to working side-by-side in order to stamp out this menace. Yes, mark your calendars, as history will no doubt record this as a great day in the long tale of supernatural kind. It shall be remembered as the greatest of grand acts of my administration. Mark my words, entities of power and entities of low birth, alike. Remember what I’ve said tonight!” He nodded at the camera, then rocked back on his heels, smiling. “I will take a few relevant questions from the press, but do not make it awkward as you did during my campaign, or I will leave.”

“Uh…” said Leery.

“Yes, you in the front. Yes, yes, the fairy with the red hair. You look intelligent in your gossamer gown and sparkly sparkles. What, my dear, would you have me explain to you?”

“Uh, yeah… Thank you, Your Eminence. I’m Aoife ó Briain, of SNN. My question is a simple one. What‍—‍”

“Then, by all means, young Aoife, ask it. Ask it, and I shall educate you.”

“Uh, yes. What is the danger as you see it?”

Slypinch reacted as if she’d thrown water in his face and stumbled a step back. His pale gray skin went pink as it flushed with anger. “I would’ve thought better of a lass from the Emerald Isle!”

“I’m from Minneapolis, and I mean no offense, Your Eminence. It’s just that‍—‍”

“Well, deary, if you mean no offense, stop your foolish mouth. What is the danger, you dare to ask me? What could be so perilous as to demand a full-scale response as I’ve described?” He gripped the edges of the podium with white-knuckled fingers. “Well, I’ll tell you! Illegal snacks and the vile creatures that create and distribute them!” He raised his blazing gaze from Aoife’s face and glared around the room. “Surely, you all see it!”

The room filled with the susurration of low whispers, shuffling paper, and truth be told, a few guffaws.

“Oh, aye! Cheez-Its are diabolical! The gateway snack, they are, and our youth are tromping through that gateway by the thousands! Why, my own grandson can be found with the devilish orange dust ‘round his nostrils most times of the day! Worse, still, I have notebooks full of reports of women who sit around their homes smoking the foul stuff while their children go hungry, their homes fall to disrepair and filth, and their husbands stray! And don’t get me started on Hostess Fruit Pies! Or Cheetos! No, people of the Covenancy! No! We must not turn away from the ugly truths as I see them! We must not abide snacks a moment longer!” He brought his gaze back to Aoife and stared daggers at her. “There, my dear girl, I’ve answered your foolish question!”

“Um, thank you, Your Eminence.”

“Your Eminence?” asked another reporter, a stone troll from the Rocky Mountain News.

“Yes?”

“Following up on Aoife’s question…uh…can you tell us exactly who you’ve instructed to do exactly what?”

“Are you‍—‍” Slypinch froze, staring at the troll for a few moments. “Why, I‍—‍” He shook his head as if troubled by irksome mosquitos. “It’s so perfectly clear‍—‍” His eyes grew wide, and his rubbery lips shook for a moment before he yelled, “Argh!” The Cynosure turned a grayish-red and stomped one foot. He flipped out his phone and fired off a text in a flurry of angry thumbs. “You…you…idiots have done it again! See if I take any questions next time!” He whirled the wrong direction and jumped down from his box, then spun around, confused for a moment, before spotting the door and tromping toward it.

“Your Eminence!” cried the troll. “I’m a huge supporter! I’m just…confused…” He trailed off as the Grand Cynosure stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

“Well, I’m glad I watched that,” said Leery in a sardonic tone. “I feel so enlightened.”

Hercule snickered.

Leery opened his mouth to crack yet another joke, but both his and Dru’s phones rang. “Uh-oh,” he said, digging for his phone. “Both of them together usually mean one thing.”

Dru swept into the kitchen and answered her phone.

Leery fumbled his phone out and accepted the call. “Oriscoe.” He listened for a moment and craned his head to look at Dru. “Right. Be there in a few.” He disconnected the call and turned back to Agrat and Hercule. “Sorry, folks. We’re going to have to call this short. An angel gave up the ghost over in Tribeca.”

“Sorry, Mommy and Daddy,” said Dru as she came back into the room. “You can stay here if you’d like, but I’m not sure when we’ll—I’ll—be back.”

“Our little baby is so important,” said Agrat with a warm smile. “She’s even called to investigate the death of angels, honey.”

“More’s the pity,” said Hercule, but he smiled warmly at Dru.

Help save Leery by reading Claw & Warder: Episode 6 Gnome Schooled today!

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